How to Deal With Stress in Los Angeles or Canada

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this yet, but L.A. traffic absolutely blows (j.k. I know I’ve mentioned it like a hundred times).

Yesterday I went to a comedy show with a friend. Here’s the schedule.

Comedy Show: Funny show about Jesus, less than an hour long. Starts at 8:00pm

Timetable:
4:30pm I leave after work and begin driving home.

5:30pm Still in the car, my friend calls and tells me to head straight over to his house so we can drive over to comedy show.

6:15pm I pick up friend, we head to show

7:45pm we arrive at theater and seat ourselves for show

8:15pm Show starts

8:30pm I laugh a couple times

8:55pm Show ends, about 40 minutes of show.

9:15pm We leave theater after waiting for my friend’s friend, who was in the show.

10:15pm I get home.

That was almost six hours of a day. Just to see a 40 minute show. Fucking traffic! Fortunately the show was actually pretty good, so all and all I’d say it was worth it, but really, six hours?

And my health links in no particular order are orthorexia and people search. Blam.

There once was a German filmmaker. He was charismatic. So much so, that people kept giving him incredible sums of money despite the awful, awful movies he would make.

This man moved to Canada where he made most of these movies. And, thought the movies were officious, he brought prosperity and steady labor to the Canadian filmmaking industry. Myself included.

But the Americans were cruel and relentless. They ridiculed the german, and said venemous things about his movies, often having never even seen the movies.

But I have seen all of his movies. I know how bad they can be, but I also know how enjoyable they can be. And finally, this German man, this Uwe Boll has made a genuinely entertaining, funny movie.

The Americans did not believe it was funny, but the Canadians, they did. They cheered and cheered at Uwe’s funny movie, but the Americans refused to hear the Canadians cheering. So now Uwe Boll is on the road, traveling with his movie, stirring up dust and trying to get America to recognize it for what it is, his best work ever.

Unlike my Canadian friends, I have not yet seen the movie. But, it is coming to Los Angeles this weekend and I will see it and be happy.

The name of the movie is POSTAL.

Also, randomly, because I have to, I’m going to mention a couple health blogs here for you to hopefully read and enjoy. Damage Control is a health blog about multivitamins and general nutrition, and orac value is a health blog about….well about orac value, whatever that might be. Good luck, Canadians!

It seems like Americans are obsessed with the weight loss shake. Every grocery store I go into in L.A. has a whole wall of these things. Slim Fast, Jenny Craig, Carbolite, the Atkins shake, Weight Watcher. I went to a juice bar the other day to get some carrot/apple/celery juice and you could blend a “weight loss” formula into your juice. These shakes aren’t so present in Canada. People just eat right.

Mind you I’m obsessing over the actual shake itself. I believe Canadians can be just as fat as Americans. Maybe the people in L.A. are just a bit more undernourished, or over plasticized, or simply anorexic, but I’d argue as a whole, L.A. at least looks thinner than Canada. Huh, maybe those weight loss shakes are working.

    I’m a Canadian. A rogue Canadian living in L.A. There’s many Canadian Angelinos. We can spot each other from a block away, through the aneroxic cocaine weasel stooges, the paparazzi, the faux police and the too-young-to-be-homeless style hippies. We don’t where flannel, but we look like we could at any moment if someone pushed us too far.

     “Excuse me,” says a plastified mother at the automated checkout line of a Whole Food Market, “Could you hold my fennel while I water my child.”

    I don’t know exactly what she means, but I just want to turn around and say, “I’ll hold your fennel, if you hold my pocket knife while I put on my flannel.” Yeah, just watch me boldlerize fashion like it’s going out of style.